Feathers and promises...

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I took a day off today, 

I breathed out.

I sat in the sunshine and soaked up the serenity.

I took stock.

I had a long chat with my friend

She is not here anymore 

But every now and then, there are these precious moments that she feels so close 

I can feel her all around me

I ache to hear her wicked laugh, her voice, for a dose of her whip-smart wisdom. To laugh at whatever ridiculous trouble we’d managed to get ourselves into lately.

To get her advice, or a kick up the bum ... she was always good for one of those too. 

I told her all about what has happened since she has gone.

The bits that she had pre-warned me about,

The bits that she would never have seen coming either.

I told her that I’ve been doing my best… that I hoped she understood the choices that I had made.

Right then, a feather floated down on the breeze and fell at my feet. I love it when that happens.

F*ck I miss her. 


I told her that I hoped she knew how loved she is.

God I hope she knew that.


Then I got a bit mushy… which historically was usually when she would call me a wanker.

She was never good with compliments or credit where it was due.

But it was true and she needed to hear it

My life, along with so many other’s whose lives she touched in her relatively short time on this earth, would be forever changed for the better from knowing her.

I am sure that I’m not the only one who, because of her love and friendship, has made promises to myself that I will never break. 

Personal, private promises about how I live my life, what I have time and tolerance for and what I do not. Promises about how I love. Things that I will never beat myself up over again.

We used to laugh at the fig jammers… (F-I’m-Good JustAskMe)

There are plenty of people out there more interested in saying fig jam look how sh*t hot I am... than doing the actual work.

It’s so easy to get swept up in other people’s opinions of the choices we make, caught up in other people’s agendas and head games. Distracted by appearances and shiny things. 

One of the great lessons my friend taught me by example was to rise above the noise and just get on quietly with the doing. 

To save that precious energy for keeping promises to yourself, to the people that matter, to live a life you’re proud of, to learn and to grow, to make a difference where ever you can. 

Because one day we are all feathers floating in the summer sunshine breeze, and the legacy that is left are the memories that live on in the hearts of the people who loved us. And those memories were built on actions not words. 

As I got closer to the station, another feather fell at my feet, I think it was my friend saying Shut the f*ck up Sue-ee… you’re talking out loud to an invisible friend, you look like a dickhead! So I wiped the tears from my face, and put her back in my heart again where she always lives.  And promised not to embarrass her in public again…   xxx


Sue Muller