Apologies to my boyfriends past. (and a big cheer for Frangipani Joe!)
Apologies to my Boyfriends Past...
I had an interesting insight today.I was having a chat with a gorgeous teenager that I know.
She was telling me about her friend buying a cactus and naming it after her boyfriend.
Insert massive 80’s Flashback moment here lovely chickies - sigh!
Yep, so this is probably going to make me sound like a bit of a sad stalker, but I MAY have had a cactus collection of my own at one stage of my romantic life.
One named after each boy I kissed (don’t tell mum)
I promise I never boiled any bunnies. I’m pretty sure that the reasoning was something to do with the ‘prick’ factor of the cactus.
(Which I usually found entertaining enough to distract me from my broken heart until I could go out and do it again)
I listened to myself explaining to my youthful friend that I had also collected cactuses (yes spelling police, I KNOW it’s technically cacti, but I prefer cactuses), but how they kept on dying (they did, it was tragic!)
She looked at me, astounded and said, “but cactus are really hard to kill, you barely have to do anything, you don’t even have to hardly water them.”
AH see, I explain, that was my problem… I watered them too much.
I loved them too much
Instead of just letting them be… to get on with being the cute little prickly creations that they were, I smothered them with my undying love.
I wanted them so much to grow and flourish that I completely overdid it and they died.
Or as a 15 y/o so rightly put it,
YOU DROWNED YOUR CACTUSES!!!!! LOSER!!!!
When I had a bit of a think about it later, I started to see a disturbing trend. I remembered, the rose bushes… I also killed a whole entire flower bed of winter roses, by watering them with boiling water… we lived in Ballarat (think nasty cold frosty winters) because I didn’t want them to be cold.
There was also the unintentional homicide of the goldfish – fish food is so little, surely they need more than that… why is the water all smelly and cloudy? … Why is Neil (Finn- hahahahA) doing backstroke?
Anyone else seeing a bit of a pattern here???
Hello light-globe moment
OH DEAR GOD!
What a metaphor baby.
I drowned them ALL in love… OOOPS!
How interesting to be in a place where I can now look back and see it that way.
This tendency to kill things with kindness.
It would seem that I have probably been guilty of killing a fair few relationships (not just romantic ones) with kindness too.
I’ve put people on a pedestal that they could never live up to.
Expected that they loved just like I did.
How many past relationships did I ruin by not just allowing them the space to grow and flourish (or fade away) of their own accord?
Why did everything have to match up with the picture in my head of how relationships should be? How much water they needed.
How come I thought I could control that stuff?
What a shame that I didn’t trust that I was enough?
That I wasted so much angst on taking stuff I couldn’t control so personally. Cheerfully watering away when I clearly just wasn’t someone’s cup of tea?
Oh the needless demise of so many perfectly gorgeous cactuses!
What a very interesting insight… maybe 30 years too late, but no one’s perfect. No point beating myself up. (The cringe-ing might take a day or so to ease off, but eh!)
Main thing is I’ve got it now.
I know that I’m at least doing better with plants.
Meet Frangipani Joe, (a survivor of my special brand of intense loving for the past 3 years)
My lovely leafy friend Joe clearly owes a debt of gratitude to those poor soggy cactusES that came before him. (p.s a flower would be nice one day… but I’m patient, I can wait xx)
So what would I tell that kind and loving chickie from all those years ago, merrily drowning her cactus collection and wondering what she’s doing wrong?
- I would say RELAX my lovely.
- You are enough.
- You don’t have to overwater or be anything you’re not.
Maybe a shitload of cactuses, some rose bushes and a goldfish don’t like your style, but the lessons you will learn from them, sure will make you a big success in the frangipani department.
Trust that in life, the people who are meant to stay stay and the others just weren’t your people.
And trust me, in 20 years time you’ll be pretty happy with who was smart enough to stick around.
So a note and my sincere apologies to those poor over watered boyfriends and relationships past.
I did what I knew how to do at the time, and now that I get that so did you.
Now I know better, I do better.
Thank-you for being a part of my story.
And to Frangipani Joe who loves me just the way I am, you are SUCH a keeper.