Are you settling for crumbs?

Once upon a time there was this chickie...

Autumn was coming, and it was starting to get chilly at night.

So there she was, minding her own business lying on the couch, when someone beautiful (who does not like to be mentioned in blogs) appeared out of nowhere and wrapped a big, warm, cosy blanket around her, lovingly tucked her in all safe and warm before snuggling up next to her and stroking her hair.

In that simple moment of happiness and contentment, she had a revelation…

About cake!

(Don’t the best things in life always come back to cake?)

You see, this chick didn’t have a history of always been so kind to herself, or of feeling as if she deserved to ask for too much.

I’m sure she’s not alone in having grown up feeling as if she was an ok kind of human, but not necessarily that special.

There was an underlying story she would tell herself… a soundtrack running inside her head, that she should be really grateful for whatever she got, that it was selfish and greedy to expect or to ask for more.

To play small, to play safe, because

dreams come true for other people.

magic,

love,

fireworks,

adventures

happened to people who were

skinnier,

prettier,

smarter,

sportier,

funnier,

richer,

luckier,

more perfect,

worthier than her.

She tried to make up for her glaring inadequacies by being

  • Extra grateful,
  • Extra helpful,
  • Extra accommodating,
  • Extra useful,
  • Lifting other people up, making sure that they knew how loved and special and important they were.
  • She was great with the giving,

And...

She was extra grateful for any crumbs that were thrown her way.

Meanwhile back on the couch… in that moment, snuggled up in her warm fuzzy cocoon of contentment…

A light went on.

Something had changed.

Wait a minute…

This wasn’t crumbs.

This was the whole cake.

She hadn’t had to go chasing after it, all she had done was be her self, get on with her life, and share her cake with someone who liked cake too.

She didn’t have to settle for crumbs,

not only could she have the whole cake, but she had come to a place in her life where she finally realised that by f*ck she deserved the cake.

She thought of all of the times in her life where crumbs were what she chased, crumbs were what she was grateful for, crumbs were what she thought she deserved.

She thought of all of the precious time and energy (and love) that she had wasted on chasing, on trying to prove herself, on settling for less than she gave or deserved. Oh god, even THANKING people for crumbs… oh sh*t!

Not only in her romantic life (though boy were there some doozies of examples to be found in there), but also in her other relationships, her businesses… her life.

Like toast crumbs in the bed…. her history was littered with them.

Thank f*ck that one of this chickie’s super powers was to ask herself:

“How interesting, what can I learn from this?”

What had happened along the road of her life that had lead to this magical turnaround?

What she had learned on her chickie adventures from crumb scrounger to cake eater?

Well, what this chickie now knew for sure (in no particular order) was that…

Cake isn’t just something that you sit back and demand… you don’t click your fingers and it magically appears in front of you (preferably delivered by some hot shirtless waiter type dude).

You show people by the way you treat yourself, that they can f*ck right off with those crumbs and try their luck somewhere else.

People likely felt it was fine to give her crumbs because she was always grateful when they threw a few her way. They might love the bejesus out of her, but she would still be the first person they would let down, because they knew that she would always forgive them.

She knew that when you finally decide that you deserve cake not crumbs, there is no desperation, no

  • Oh my god where have those crumbs gone?,
  • I might miss out, what if I do a little dance will some more get thrown?,
  • I’m starving for some cake, and crumbs wont fill me up but I should be grateful for whatever gets chucked my way.

Basically, cake is what you get when you start looking after yourself, start believing that you are enough, that you are worthy, when you start making room for YOUR hopes, dreams and needs not just everybody elses. When you learn to set loving boundaries. When you invest in grown up relationships and people and connections.  When you stop waiting for other people to make you cake and make cake for yourself, you attract like-minded people who love the way that you do love and life.

She 100% knew for sure that cake is delicious. It’s the cake people, the cake situations who bring joy to her life, who put a smile on her face. Around cake people, she felt loved, connected and herself.  Plus, when she was not exhausted from chasing after crumbs, she had heaps more time and energy to be hanging with the cake people.

If she was honest with herself, she also knew in her heart of hearts that just because someone only had crumbs for her, didn’t necessarily make them a bad person… they’re just not her cake people that’s all.

  • Crumbs may be all they know how to give.
  • Crumbs may be all they’ve got. (i.e. they’ve got their own stuff going on that she could know nothing about.)
  • Maybe they figure if she’s happy with crumbs then why go to any extra trouble.
  • Maybe they’re scared that if they share their cake with her that they’ll run out of cake.

Maybe seeing her chase around after their crumbs makes them feel bigger, important, better about themselves… who knows, who f*cking cares!

She decided that the bottom line is, there will always be people and situations that are only able or prepared to give you crumbs… there will always be people who want and know how to give you cake… It was up to her to choose which ones to focus on, to play with, to trust with her heart.

She one hundred million percent knew this for sure:

The feeling where you are grovelling for crumbs is not a nice one.

The desperation in not knowing where or when the next crumb might come from, the gnawing hunger eating away at your insides,

Fear, scarcity, uncertainty, self doubt.

No one needs or deserves to feel, or to be made to feel that way.

And now that she knew that it was cake not crumbs that made her happy, she was going to make some changes.

She made a promise to herself

No more crumbs.

I am done.

The moral of the story lovely chickies…

Is that you have a choice.

You can have crumbs or cake.

Don’t be so busy chasing crumbs that you don’t notice that there are lots of people who see your magic and will feel blessed to give you their whole cake. People who you can trust with your time, your attention, your love, your heart.

And the slightly wrinkly, non instagram- filtered-selfie, cake eating princess…she snuggled herself up in her warm woolly rug and gave a little smile… and decided that from this moment on, it was cake all the way for her…

and she lived happily ever after….

Anyone for cake???

Blog, LifeSue Muller