Some chickie advice to male cyclists.
Ok cycle-boys, we need to have a little chat and I really hope that we can still be friends afterwards…
Firstly, I think that you all deserve a great big round of applause.
I think it's great you're all getting out there:
- Getting yourselves some fresh air and exercise.
- Hanging out in ‘manly’ groups, talking, laughing and bonding with your fellow biker-dude buddies.
All good, all good.
- You are doing a stellar job supporting the cycling industry, the fitness industry and the latte industry.
- Doing wonders for our environment and unclogging traffic by leaving the car at home.
- By improving your health, you are simultaneously easing pressure on our overworked healthcare system. Just think of how many doctors are getting to sit around and eat tim tams right now because they don’t have to give you CPR for that nasty case of heart attack – bonus!
- Even the ‘deep heat’ factory is cheering you on. Sales have never been so high.
Go you good things!!!
There's just one small (in many cases) issue I would like to address
After your bike ride, when you rock up, en masse, at your local cafe to enjoy your well earned lattes, could I PLEASE pass on a message from those of us that are sitting down?
We are at eye level with your ‘bits’
It’s not your fault.
Generally speaking, lycra is just not flattering. You do not all look like Lance Armstrong and that is fine. It's excellent to see you making the effort. We just don't need to see ALL of you making the effort if you know what I mean?
We are trying to eat
So, for the love of god, can you cover that thing up? Leave us with a bit of mystery Surely some kind of little front skirt could be invented? In the meantime, shit, I'd settle for you to just shield us with a newspaper or even the menu.
Just because your friends are all doing it doesn't mean it's cool. Please look back at the 80’s when you ALL decided to get a mullet and or a perm... Was that cool?
I rest my case!
Thanks for your time boys… pedal on! ok chickies, I have just taken one for the team. I have spoken the unspeakable. I am now a marked woman. Please reassure me that if you see this chickie being chased down the road by a flock of angry, lycra-clad men that you will pull over, fling the car door open and save my sorry arse???
Oh, and what IS the word for a flock of cyclists? … a spandex?