The curse of little miss perfect.
Here’s a little story about a girl I used to know *cough* (ok- be... tomatoe/tomato, potatoe/potato). Maybe she sounds a bit familiar to you too... let’s just call her Little Miss Perfect.
Little Miss Perfect busted her gut to be perpetually sunny, happy, shiny and cheerful, and to most days look as if she had everything balanced like a superstar. She just wanted everyone to be happy and kind to each other.
She put other people’s feelings, their needs and expectations ahead of her own so that she didn’t hurt their feelings or let them down.
She just wanted to love and be loved.
Little Miss Perfect could over think, over analyse and catastrophise for Australia.
When someone didn’t like her, she took it to heart. It burned her soul.
She would over extend herself, take on way more than was humanly possible and then beat herself up when it didn’t all get done in record time. Always WAY more interested in what she hadn’t achieved than what she had.
She would put all of her stuff aside so that she could help everyone else fix their problems. She would be the first person to drop everything to listen or to help. Don’t get me wrong, she loved to help. It’s just that it meant that she became everyone’s go to girl. Leaving her bugger all time for keeping her own boat afloat.
She would never give herself credit for anything… no one likes a show off!
She said sorry. A lot. Even when it wasn’t her fault
She would rather die than ask for help.
She liked things to be just so, just right and she would get all tied up in knots if they were less than perfect.
How did all that Little Miss Perfect action make her feel you ask?
Like she was under constant pressure, overwhelmed, frustrated, and time poor.
Like a very cheery two-faced doormat.
She started to catch herself feeling resentful, like she was being taken advantage of, that people were taking the piss.
That her needs mustn’t be important enough to be considered.
Tired, run down, burnt out… like a mechanic who was servicing everyone else’s car but their own.
Now call me a rocket scientist, but that really doesn’t sound like too much fun.
Well why the f*ck was she doing it to herself then?
This sneaky little recipe for living Little Miss Perfect’s glamorous life, turned out to have some pretty basic ingredients, that I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of hiding in our pantry at one stage or another.
She was brought up being told to be nice, to not ask for too much, to not make a fuss… to play small.
She found it easier to cave and say yes than to endure a confrontation.
Saying no meant feeling vulnerable, and that felt scary.
She had a woeful set of boundaries going on.
It seemed easier to swallow down what she needed, than to be accused of being a princess or demanding.
Because living this way was what she thought that it took to be liked, loved, perfect.
She didn’t want anyone to think she was a selfish cow.
For a very long time she had been telling herself the story that, she wasn’t quite pretty, skinny, or smart enough. That she needed to be something more to make up for that… to be worth it to other people.
And then one magical day
she realised that story was a great big crock of sh*t.
That it was boring as all f*ck.
That it wasn’t a tradition she’d be happy for her daughters, or anyone that she loved to carry on.
She realised that
It was absolutely perfectly ok to simply be who she was.
To do the best she could.
To give what she had to give.
To say no when she needed to, and
That the right people, would be totally cool with that.
Especially the one person whose heart and voice she had been ignoring for so long… her own!
She realised that it is so important to look after YOU as well as the people you love (why else would Jetstar keep telling us to put the plane oxygen on ourselves before we are allowed to help others?)
That not everyone is going to like you… and that’s ok (you’re not Nutella remember?)
And of course, the UNEXPECTED BONUS…
When she gave up that sh*t, it left her with SO much more extra time and energy for the people who mattered, for the stuff that mattered… hello? SCORE!!!
So this vaguely familiar sounding secret superhero kissed Little Miss Perfect’s sucky arse goodbye and gave Little Miss Let’s - Just - Be - Who – We - Really - Are a great big hug… and she said thank f*ck you’re here… want to go grab a coffee???
And they both lived happily ever after…