My secret superhuman motherly powers.
Today my beautiful teenage daughter asked me a question…
Maybe I have really bad PMT, because normally I would have just shot back the answer, but for some reason, today, I just felt like screaming:
Do I look like a f#$%ing encyclopedia?
Do I have “funky” or “Wagnall” tattooed across my forehead?? …. I think not!
Ah the joys of being someone’s mother.
At first when they were little, it was the ‘cute’ simple stuff they asked for. Tiny little requests and expectations:
- “Mummy, turn off the wind”
- “Mummy, the sun is in my eyes turn it dowwwwwn”
- “Mummy, I need a chef’s costume for school today” (an excellent announcement to make at 8.45am)
- “Mummy, this ice is too cold!”
- “Mummy, I can’t sleeeeeeeeeeeep!”
ah yes, surely I am superhuman... That my beloved offspring believe me to have magical super powers; I suppose it was kind of flattering. Especially when you consider that that these gorgeous creatures did not come with a manual and I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING!!! Fast forward, 18 loooong years of motherly service and devotion later… It’s nice to know they think I’ve still got it.
Nowadays, the sun is not a problem as they are rarely out of bed early enough to see it. My costume input is laughed at, but I am expected to be some kind of interactive gadget which drives them all over town and has a whole lotta RAMS of memory available to store and recall at a nano seconds notice. Apple should patent me; I’d be a top seller.
- “Mum, what time are yoga classes on a Wednesday?” (Yes darling, I am Einstein and I memorize all of your sporting timetables just for kicks dear)
- “Mum, what is the PUK code for my phone?”(How the P-U-K am I supposed to know???)
- “Mum, quick I need my tax file number, bank account number, birth certificate, group certificate from 2 years ago.”(Serenity now serenity now serenity now...)
- “Mum, where is my red lipstick?” (All over my white towels dear- cheers!)
- “Mum, where is that ‘thing’ that I left on the floor, that everyone tripped over for days until you picked it up and now I need it…. NOW!”
It’s no wonder that my head hurts and that there’s no space left in there for remembering the simple things like whether or not my zipper is up!
When they leave home (they do eventually leave don’t they???), these divine creatures have left me a lasting legacy, a beautiful reminder.
I call it: “Chapter 11”
Ellen says she made the bigger line on the left
Yep, every day for the rest of my life, when I look at my face in the mirror, I will be reminded of the years of mental and physical challenges that earned me these stripes.
Then, I will smile and remember the fun bits too.
I will be proud that we all made it through relatively intact.
That I managed to trick my daughters into believing I possessed magical powers. When truth is, I didn’t even have a manual
What magical powers did your children assume that you have dear chickies??