Slander. Things to consider when someone bad mouths you.
Ah the joys of being the object of someone’s unkind words.
It happens to us all eventually, whether it gets shouted from the rooftops or you just hear back from someone who was there… simple fact is it happens.
When it does, even the most evolved of us feel the sting.
We are all human after all.
This stuff can hurt.
It can hurt when it was a stranger.
How can they say that about me?
They don’t even know who I am?
Have they forgotten that I am a person with feelings too?
Will this hurt the people I love?
Will the people I love believe it and hate me too?
And it can be especially hurtful when it comes from someone that you care or once cared about.
Someone who you thought was a friend, who you have trusted, shared your heart with, believed in.
It’s so easy to get swept up in the injustice of it all, the hurt, the betrayal and the bruised ego too.
A friend and I were chewing the fat over such an instance just recently.
We drank wine, we laughed, we cried and then we came up with this kick-arse checklist to tick off next time that this particular life lesson decides to swing past our way:
4 THINGS TO CONSIDER (FOR YOUR OWN SANITY) WHEN SOMEONE BAD-MOUTHS YOU
1. Not everyone is going to like you or agree with you.
Cold Hard Fact No.1 to remember (sticky note it to the fridge people!)
Life would be pretty boring if they did.
They are SO entitled to their opinion.
And if they choose to
- Slander you in public
- Broadcast it
- Tell the people you love
- Make sure it gets back to you
That is 100% their decision, and out of your control.
In the heat of it all, try to remind yourself that they are telling THEIR version of the story not necessarily yours. To whom they tell it and the way in which they choose to tell it is a reflection on them, not on you.
That choice is their karma to live with not yours.
2. You also have no control over what other people choose to believe. All you can do is trust that the people who love you know you, and that the ‘keepers’ will see the situation for exactly what it is.
Hold your head high chickie! (it’s good for the double chin factor too ;) )
Do not give your precious time and energy to something that you have no control over.
Take a deep breath, move forward with grace and dignity.
Be better than that.
Every time you choose to revisit those words, those actions in your mind, you are letting that person hurt you all over again… wasn’t once enough?
3. Thank them (in your head is fine… no need to pop over for a chat)
Light a candle and say thank-you for what this taught you, about life, about you and about them.
You can’t change what happened or what was said.
- Be grateful that you at least know what they think of you so you don’t need to waste energy in a place you don’t need to hang out in anymore.
- Be grateful for the lessons the experience has taught you… even if the only lesson is that you managed to handle it with grace and dignity and go on to live a beautiful happy life despite it.
Maybe one lesson might be that you don’t like it when someone does it to you, and will now think twice before you do it to someone else.
In the wise words of Carolyn Cresswell, who I heard speak at an event many years ago, ask yourself this question –
“How interesting, what can I learn from this?”
How can I take those lessons and use them going forward, for good instead of evil?
Trust me, once the hurt has died down, there will some little nugget of something in there that will make you smile.
Last but not least...
4. Be kind and gentle to yourself.
Take time out for a walk in the sunshine, make yourself a cup of tea and go and lie under a tree, go and get a massage, or grab a bottle of wine and go hang out with a girlfriend for a few hours.
Simple fact: That shit hurts. And it’s ok to feel a bit shaken, raw and fragile.
But try to remember that it is just one persons opinion.
You are a magnificent work in progress, and getting through this kind of stuff takes practice.
It’s not the end of the world … the sun will rise again tomorrow and when it does, you will be stretching and waking up wiser and a tiny bit prouder of yourself, than you were yesterday.
Congratulations on being human.